Eastern ‘Orthodox’: ‘If you stare at your bellybutton long enough, you’ll see a mystical light — that’s God!’

2 Corinthians 11: “For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”


If there exists any X, such that you, knowing that the suffering of X would — alone — lead to the conversion of Y person you love to Christianity, would not wish for Y to suffer X, then you do not understand the nature or the reality of Hell.


Lutherans: ‘Law and Gospel.’

EO: *incoherent chanting*

RC: ‘But what if Mary were God…’

Reformed: ‘God loves you… maybe.’

Baptists: ‘We hate babies.’

Pentecostals: *incoherent screaming*

Amerijelicals: ‘Jesus is my boyfriend.’